I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
