The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
