Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
