when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
