Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
