the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
