JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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