when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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