Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
