You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
