So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
