I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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