alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
