Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
