Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
