Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had to cum in my sink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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