I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
