Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize