Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
