She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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