Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
