totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
