Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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