I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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