I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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