Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
