My liver just broke up with me...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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