Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
