conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
