Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize