You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
