the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
