Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
