he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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