you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
