i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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