I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
