And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize