I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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