If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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