Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
