You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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