it's too hot outside to masturbate.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize