I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
