Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
