I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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