She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
