just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
