She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize