this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
