sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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