Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
