I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
