i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I want her autograph on my taint
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
