Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize
