Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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