I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize