Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize