Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
