Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
