After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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