im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had sex on a roof
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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