I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
