I don't usually arrange sex via text message
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize