Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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