Cold hands, warm shart.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
