I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
