went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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