I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
