Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
