Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
