im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
