Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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