I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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