Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
