the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
