You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
