Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize