I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
