What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
