Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
