My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
