She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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