I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize