I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
