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If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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