So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
