Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
