I just threw up on my dentist
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
