The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
