imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
