One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
