I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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